Tag: Inspiration

Autopilot

We are creatures of habit and change is meant to be difficult. We spend 80% of our day in autopilot mode. Okay, Autopilot is not all bad, it helps for repetitive activities like driving home. While on autopilot it allows us to focus on other or new activities that come up. But lets talk about habits……..

Since the 1960’s most psychologist agreed with the statement that it takes a minimum of 21 days to rid yourself of an old habit and/ or for a new habit to stick. I have found out, this is true and yet false. Why? Well because the research was not scientific, it was from the findings of a Cosmetic Surgeon by the name of Dr. Maxwell Maltz. He stated that it took approximately 21 days for his patients to become used to their new features. An with this new knowledge we, as humans, took it and ran with it and why you ask….. well its psychological, it allows us to have an end point. But in actuality it’s a setup. It makes it easier for us to feel like a failure if you didn’t succeed in this time frame.

Now I am not writing this article to discourage you, its to help you rethink. Breaking a bad habit or picking up a new positive one is worth the effort and in turn breaking a habit really means establishing a new habit. You can’t stop doing something habitual without a replacement behavior and besides it is much easier to start doing something new.

Habits are meant to be resistant to change and this is because its an habitual and repetitive action/ behavior that is imbedded in our thoughts, all while creating a routine without thought. Guess what this means!!!!!!! It means we have the capability of programming and reprogramming our brains. However, the longer you’ve had a habit, the longer it will take to get rid of it. The good news is, people are always capable of doing something else when they’re made aware of the habit and are sufficiently motivated to change.

So lets talk numbers, since I know now that we need something to hold on to. Finally scientist did the research and now the new average is 66 days, and for some it can take up to 254 days. I know you just died inside, but changes do not happen by magic, it takes work. Stay strong, you can do it. Matter of fact “Just Do It”.

So here are my Thoughts and Challenge…..

I challenge you to pick a new habit you would like to possess, use this to replace a bad habit you want to refrain from. Go on and think…… Ok ready…..

You will need 6 months minimum, true commitment, a strategy, and of course practice. It will also require the following:

Availability- how easy it is to start a new habit

Strength and Motivation- It must have personal value, and not pressure from others.

Mental and Physical- you must have the ability to change your thoughts and physically be able to do the work.

Because our brains works off the reward system, just like a little child. Start small by giving yourself a new reward for completing the task and eventually the brain will drop the old reward value and the new one will takes its place.

Embrace the process, commit to the system. Embrace the long slow walk to greatness. Treat failures like a scientist, give yourself permission to make mistakes, while developing strategies for getting back on track quickly. Forget about the number and focus on doing the work. “He who cannot obey himself, will be commanded”~ Friedrich Nietzsche.

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The Revive

Getting a second chance at life was the best gift ever given. We knew this time around we had to make it right. Our life now is nothing like our past. We realized in order to be revived, you must leave EVERYTHING behind. Revive means to “Start Again or Bring Back to Life”. We left all the drugs and fast life behind and brought in eating healthier and saving money. We decided instead of being upset about our past, we embraced it and understood that it made us who we are today. We created our own family and have adopted meditation practices which helps us deal with our stresses and anger. We restored our thoughts and renewed our minds. Changed our entire world and lifestyle, and with it came many blessings. All in all we have developed our own methods to all the madness and we found what worked and what didn’t.

But still, so many people have questions regarding our relationship. Such as, how did you overcome family issues? Have you ever been a subject of prejudice? How was Brooklyn (our daughter) created? How do you guys have such a great relationship? What is it like being in a same-sex relationship? Well today is your lucky day, I am going to answer them all for you right here, right now.

How did you overcome family issues? My family has always had an adoration for Tip (my wife). They always treated her like family and Mom loves having her as a Daughter-in-law. As for Tip’s family..(long pause)……. Lets just say even after over 10 years its better, but not great. We just don’t give it any energy and I avoid it at all cost.

Has your relationship ever been under prejudice? Yes. One situation stands out the most in my memories and it will probably forever be imbedded in my mind. Tip, our daughter (4months old), and I were all at the grocery store and an older white lady came over to see the baby and said ” Oh she’s so gorgeous” then looked up at myself and Tip. She then looked down at our child and says “You poor thing”. My body said “Punch her”, but my mind said “She’s ignorant.”

How was Brooklyn created? So most people thought that I had a random one night stand with a guy….. wait..WHAT! Uhm No. Brooklyn was created with the help of Fertility clinic. She is a product of how many single women now have children if they do not have a partner, but yet wants kids.

Why do you guys have such a great relationship? This is simple. We are Friends. Like Friedrich Nietzsche states “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

What is it like being in a same-sex relationship? For whatever reason people think our relationship differs from any heterosexual relationship. Guess what guys… It doesn’t. All relationships require work, even friendships are relationships.

If you have any other questions that you would love to know, I am an open book and will respond to all. All you have to do is ask.

The Promise p.2

Being out on your own at a young age is never gonna be easy. I wish someone would have told me this, however, even if they did I still would have thought it was better than what I was going through at home. I was working and going to college at the time and every night I had thoughts of dying. I became very numb and emotionless so much so, I would hurt myself to see if I can feel the pain. Of course at first it stung, but eventually it too became numb.

During these times my best friend Tip, now my wife, was dealing with a lot at her home as well. Her parents were both very verbally & physically abusive towards her. Letting out all their aggression, towards each other, onto her and it didn’t help that she was openly gay. We hid our affection towards one another for a very long time until, well it just came out. This broke the facade of their family and in turn they gave up on her. She moved out and, of course she moved in with me. Here we were to broken teens trying to figure out what we were going to do next.

I was always very mature for my age, so of course I took the lead, or at least I thought I was in control. We had a blast living with each other and we had a lot of horrible times. Tip introduced me into a new world to help me cope with my pain. That new world was DRUGS. I mean what was a mate to do when all the she wanted was for me to feel better and she promised me that it would. It was magical times. SEX, DRUGS & LOVE (in that order). You see Tip was only showing me what she knew. Her parents were happier when they were under the influence so this is what she learned and I was accepting to it because it showed me love, which is what i desired. This went on for years, and despite two overdoses, and a couple alcohol poisonings, we didn’t stop. We had money, new outfits every weekend, friends, partying, drugs and drink, all the things that matter for a young adult. It was the life and we were the life.

Until it all came crumbling down. We lost our jobs, we lost our place, and we almost lost each other. We realized in order for us to deal with our problems, we have to DEAL with them. Our love was worth more than our failures & worth more than our mistakes. We vowed in order to be better for each other we had to be better within ourselves. We had clearer visions and we began to restore and renew our minds. We were given a new life and a second chance.

Friedrich Nietzsche* said “All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.” This is why Reek Of Royalty was created. We have prevailed, learned a lesson and vowed to not allow our past to destroy us. Turning tragedy into triumph. We know we have a bigger purpose here on earth. “*That which does not kill us makes us stronger.*”

The Promise

A daughter of two immigrant parents of Honduras, I was brought to the US with a promise of a better life, what I got…..well just keep reading.

We traveled a lot during the first few years of my life. So much so that I went to 10 different elementary schools and 2 different middle schools. Don’t ask me what my parents were doing, I plead the fifth. I never saw my parents argue and they never gave us an idea that anything was wrong. Until my father decided to leave my mom for a stripper, Welcome to Las Vegas!

I was turning 13 years old and it was the first time in my life I felt really alone and abandoned. Not only because my father left, might I add he never returned, but I lost my mom as well. No my mom didn’t die, she just forgot that she was a mother. She was chasing her feelings of being alone without a man and it was killing her. So she got with the first person that gave her attention, was accepting she had 3 children and he had money. He sold her this wonderful dream and bought her the world. She was happy and it only cost her the innocences of her two daughters. What were we supposed to do? We finally saw our mother was happy and at the same time we were fearful. All I could do was plan my escape.

I was 15 years old, I worked my ass off all summer, didn’t spend one dollar and hid all the money under my bed. At the end of the summer, I finally took a moment to count it all and realized it wasn’t going to be enough, but I was willing to take a chance. That night I pack all the money in my backpack with clothes and left. I made it all the way down to the front entrance of our housing community and was terrified, I started hyperventilating and I didn’t know what to do. It was at this point I knew I had to come up with a better plan. I went back home telling myself it will only be a few more days of this.

I endured a whole additional year of sexual abuse, until one day I realized it was approaching a whole other level. My brother tried telling my mom what was going on and he denied it, and two weeks later they kicked my brother out the house. I was almost 17 years old and I knew I had to leave this time, but I had to be smart.

I found an apartment that was willing to help me, due to my age. I didn’t tell anyone I was moving out. I woke up the next day packed up my car with all my belongings and at that time I told my mom I was leaving. She was very taking back and yet wasn’t upset or tried to stop me. My sister was a wreck.   I made a promise to my sister that I was coming back to save her, but first I had to be stable.

Now here I was 17 years old on my own, finally away from my abuser, and I was depressed.

Stay Tuned for Part 2……..

The Verticals

Most people believe in life you get the hand you’re dealt and that’s it. You are as smart and hardworking as your going to be and there’s nothing you can do to change it. That’s called a fixed mindset.

What’s the difference between a regular (straight line) person and a vertical person??? Answer: a Successful Mindset. Let me school you:

  1. Verticals don’t fail, they see failure as an opportunity. We ask ourselves “What did I learn from the experience?” When we experience a setback, we don’t dwell on it. We assess and move on to the next thing.
  2. Verticals accept who they are, they have a great relationship with themselves. It is important to us know our strengths and weaknesses. We have even taught ourselves how to “correct ourselves”.
  3. Verticals set high goals and work towards achieving them and don’t stop until they reach them. Having a dream is great, but goals turn the invisible to visible.
  4. Verticals don’t hope for the best, they take control to make things happen. You always have a choice, you can control your mind or you can let it control you.
  5. Verticals will see a problem as a reason to be creative and come up with a solution. When you focus on problems you will have more problems, but when you focus on solutions you have more opportunities.
  6. Verticals are always learning. If you want to go far have a learners mindset. Be open to learning and growth and development, free of bias.

To become a better version of yourself, you first must learn to hear your current mindset, recognize that you have a choice, talk back to it using a successful mindset, then take action.

Read this article a few times and once you begin to fully understand, start making executive decisions. You are the CEO of your own life.

From the words of my favorite philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche “He who has a WHY to live, can bear almost any HOW.”

Straight Line

Think about what a straight line looks like. It’s on-going, consistent and never changing. With 75% of us living as “straight lines” it’s time to make a change. Living this way is very robotic. Wake up in the morning, take a shower, brush your hair and teeth. Get dressed, make sure the kids are up and getting ready. Do your make-up rush out the house, drop the kids off and be on your way to work. Sounds like an average morning huh! For most working women this is the norm.

Then you get to work, and this is where I see it the most. You complain all day at work about your job, co-workers, low pay, all while fantasizing about where you want to be at right now. This is the same time of day when you talk about all the things you want to do, when in reality you are too terrified to actually do it. Then you get off of work and become robots again, just to wake up in the morning to do it all over.

Stop complaining about everything and do something, period.

Make tomorrow different. Change can’t happen without action. Take that course you were always thinking about and stick with it. Take that vacation you always wanted. Make the decision to look for a better more rewarding job, or start that business you dreamt about as a kid. I can almost guarantee you that when you decide to make a change, your life will be different.

Also remember, once you have made a CHOICE to do something different you must follow it through. You can’t be all talk and no action. That’s what got you here in the first place.

There’s a reason why Nike says “Just Do It”, because its that simple. Stop co-existing and start living.