Tag: Abuse

Choice Philosophy #1~ It Starts with You

A cluttered mind leads to a chaotic lifestyle. My gosh how true it is. Take a step back and look around. I’ll wait…. While this practice is true for your outside living such as cleanliness of your home or bedroom. We will get into that later. It is most important for your mental health. Ask yourself, Am I mentally ready to love?

When I was younger I was sexually abused. This clouded my judgement on what real love was. Love wasn’t a feeling, it became a need. It was like a drug, I just wanted it no matter how it came. I had no feelings.

As for my partner she encountered family issues. Her surroundings consisted of alcohol and drugs. This type of lifestyle was abusive and disrespectful, not your ideal situation to know how to love.

Holding on to things that happened to you in the past, failed relationships, and or family issues, can harbor your ability to find your equal. In past articles that I have wrote, I speak on looking at how you live your life, an decide to make a change. Most will repeat the cycle and re-date the very same personality they left. Why does this happen? Well it’s because they didn’t set themselves free. Free from the pain, abuse, mentality, destruction.

We found that you must tell yourself and believe  you deserve all that life has to offer and you must do what it takes to succeed and receive your wants. We had to renew our mind, all that we were taught and was around, we had to trash it. I encourage all to do this before you get involved with someone, even though we didn’t have the opportunity to do it separately.  We were not mentally ready to love and it almost ruined us because we were two broken people trying to fix each other for years. Our minds were cluttered and in turn it made our whole lifestyle chaotic and corrupted. We could have avoided all this had we repaired ourselves first. Finally, we were put in a position where we had to make a decision. Please reference back to past articles to hear the full detail story of us and how we prevail.

So I am telling  you all, facing your fears and understanding your wants allows you to overcome any and all past dilemmas. Close all chapters of the past. There is no need to allow a person who is entering your life to know how screwed up your past was. Let it go? The End.

Next article will explain the first step in de-cluttering.

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The Promise p.2

Being out on your own at a young age is never gonna be easy. I wish someone would have told me this, however, even if they did I still would have thought it was better than what I was going through at home. I was working and going to college at the time and every night I had thoughts of dying. I became very numb and emotionless so much so, I would hurt myself to see if I can feel the pain. Of course at first it stung, but eventually it too became numb.

During these times my best friend Tip, now my wife, was dealing with a lot at her home as well. Her parents were both very verbally & physically abusive towards her. Letting out all their aggression, towards each other, onto her and it didn’t help that she was openly gay. We hid our affection towards one another for a very long time until, well it just came out. This broke the facade of their family and in turn they gave up on her. She moved out and, of course she moved in with me. Here we were to broken teens trying to figure out what we were going to do next.

I was always very mature for my age, so of course I took the lead, or at least I thought I was in control. We had a blast living with each other and we had a lot of horrible times. Tip introduced me into a new world to help me cope with my pain. That new world was DRUGS. I mean what was a mate to do when all the she wanted was for me to feel better and she promised me that it would. It was magical times. SEX, DRUGS & LOVE (in that order). You see Tip was only showing me what she knew. Her parents were happier when they were under the influence so this is what she learned and I was accepting to it because it showed me love, which is what i desired. This went on for years, and despite two overdoses, and a couple alcohol poisonings, we didn’t stop. We had money, new outfits every weekend, friends, partying, drugs and drink, all the things that matter for a young adult. It was the life and we were the life.

Until it all came crumbling down. We lost our jobs, we lost our place, and we almost lost each other. We realized in order for us to deal with our problems, we have to DEAL with them. Our love was worth more than our failures & worth more than our mistakes. We vowed in order to be better for each other we had to be better within ourselves. We had clearer visions and we began to restore and renew our minds. We were given a new life and a second chance.

Friedrich Nietzsche* said “All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.” This is why Reek Of Royalty was created. We have prevailed, learned a lesson and vowed to not allow our past to destroy us. Turning tragedy into triumph. We know we have a bigger purpose here on earth. “*That which does not kill us makes us stronger.*”

The Promise

A daughter of two immigrant parents of Honduras, I was brought to the US with a promise of a better life, what I got…..well just keep reading.

We traveled a lot during the first few years of my life. So much so that I went to 10 different elementary schools and 2 different middle schools. Don’t ask me what my parents were doing, I plead the fifth. I never saw my parents argue and they never gave us an idea that anything was wrong. Until my father decided to leave my mom for a stripper, Welcome to Las Vegas!

I was turning 13 years old and it was the first time in my life I felt really alone and abandoned. Not only because my father left, might I add he never returned, but I lost my mom as well. No my mom didn’t die, she just forgot that she was a mother. She was chasing her feelings of being alone without a man and it was killing her. So she got with the first person that gave her attention, was accepting she had 3 children and he had money. He sold her this wonderful dream and bought her the world. She was happy and it only cost her the innocences of her two daughters. What were we supposed to do? We finally saw our mother was happy and at the same time we were fearful. All I could do was plan my escape.

I was 15 years old, I worked my ass off all summer, didn’t spend one dollar and hid all the money under my bed. At the end of the summer, I finally took a moment to count it all and realized it wasn’t going to be enough, but I was willing to take a chance. That night I pack all the money in my backpack with clothes and left. I made it all the way down to the front entrance of our housing community and was terrified, I started hyperventilating and I didn’t know what to do. It was at this point I knew I had to come up with a better plan. I went back home telling myself it will only be a few more days of this.

I endured a whole additional year of sexual abuse, until one day I realized it was approaching a whole other level. My brother tried telling my mom what was going on and he denied it, and two weeks later they kicked my brother out the house. I was almost 17 years old and I knew I had to leave this time, but I had to be smart.

I found an apartment that was willing to help me, due to my age. I didn’t tell anyone I was moving out. I woke up the next day packed up my car with all my belongings and at that time I told my mom I was leaving. She was very taking back and yet wasn’t upset or tried to stop me. My sister was a wreck.   I made a promise to my sister that I was coming back to save her, but first I had to be stable.

Now here I was 17 years old on my own, finally away from my abuser, and I was depressed.

Stay Tuned for Part 2……..